Imagine living with joy, delighting in the Lord, being at peace with yourself, and enjoying being who you are.
This is what life can look like when it isn’t defined by feelings of inadequacy.
Many of us are far from being there. But we can get closer.
That’s why I developed this resource to help you overcome feelings of inadequacy. Actually, it’s to help you fight the perceptions that lead to feelings of inadequacy. Because the real culprit here is the way you think about yourself.
And maybe you know that. But do you know how scrambled your thinking can get? How you tangle yourself up in untruths? How much unnecessary pain you cause yourself?
Psychologists call this having cognitive distortions. I say we have false perceptions.
I like this wording because it means you can shift your perceptions to ones that are accurate and life-giving. There is hope!
I know it’s not easy. I know it takes time. If you’re like me, the negative thinking patterns are deeply entrenched. But we can use these tools to get in there and fight to retrain our thinking.
The following is a list of common feelings of inadequacy, the cognitive distortions behind them, questions you can ask yourself, and Bible verses that will help you look at yourself in ways that bring joy and peace.
“I feel like I failed.”
· Cognitive distortion: Discounting the Positives. You incorrectly judge a situation by the negatives without considering the positives.
· Ask yourself: “What are the positives?” Usually, the truth is that you made an effort, did some things right, and learned from your experience. A situation is rarely a total failure.
· Bible verse: “Differing weights and unequal measures—both are detestable to the LORD.” Prov. 20:10
“I feel like I should do better.”
· Cognitive distortion: Should Statements. You hold yourself to unreasonably high standards of “should,” “shouldn’t,” “must,” “have to,” and “supposed to.”
· Ask yourself: “What are realistic expectations of myself?” “How can I have compassion on myself?” While it’s good to strive to be your best self, the truth is that you aren’t a superhero. Make an honest assessment of what you can do and give yourself grace.
· Bible verse: “Do not think more highly of yourself than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you” (Romans 12:3b).
“I feel guilt, like it’s my fault.”
· Cognitive distortion: Personalization. While you may have some culpability, you incorrectly shoulder too much of the blame for the behavior of others or for events.
· Ask yourself: “What is my responsibility?’ “What else contributed to this?” The truth is that you’re not responsible for the actions and attitudes of other adults. You may have influenced them, but how they think and act is their choice. In the case of situations, the truth is that many factors contribute to an outcome. You were not the sole influencer.
· Bible verse: “A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; rescue them and you will do it again’ (Proverbs 19:9).
“I feel like I’m flawed.”
· Cognitive Distortion: Magnification. You focus on your weaknesses or differences and incorrectly perceive that you’re less than others and don’t fit in.
· Ask yourself: “What strengths, talents, and characteristics did God create in me?” The truth is that God designed each person to be the way they are for a purpose, and we all benefit from one another’s attributes. You can appreciate who you ARE instead of defining yourself in terms of who you’re not. Focus on what you CAN do and believe it has value.
· Bible verse: “But in fact, God has arranged the members of the body, every one of them, according to His design. . . . the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable” (I Cor 12:18, 23).
“I feel powerless and frustrated.”
· Cognitive distortion: Limiting belief. You’re stuck in the incorrect conviction that your situation should be different and that you have no options.
· Ask yourself: “What do I need to accept?” What can I change?” “What can I submit to God?” The truth is that you DO have options. Knowing this can empower you.
· Bible verse: “Your will be done…” (Matt. 6:10). “Let your light shine…” (Matt. 5:16).
“I feel resentment.”
· Cognitive Distortion: Blame. You incorrectly believe that you have to do something because of someone’s expectations. Your insecurity motivates you to please others, but you blame them when you do so.
· Ask yourself: “How can I take ownership of my choices?” The truth is that you don’t have to do anything. It’s your choice to take action.
· Bible verse: “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7).
“I feel regret. If only I had done things differently.”
· Cognitive distortion: Fortune Telling. You incorrectly believe that you can predict an outcome.
· Ask yourself: “How do I not know what the outcome would have been?” The truth is that you can’t say with certainty what would have happened. Even if it seems likely, each situation is the result of many contributing factors. You can also fight regret by completing the statement, “At least I ______.”
· Bible verse: Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails” Prov. 19:21).
“I feel like people aren’t happy with me.”
· Cognitive Distortion: Mind Reading. Without gathering all the facts, you incorrectly assume that someone is thinking negatively about you.
· Ask yourself: “How could there be more to the story?” Often, the truth is that you don’t know how someone feels. Your insecure sensitivity picks up the wrong signals. Asking yourself if there’s more to the story opens your mind to more possibilities and motivates you to seek more facts.
· Bible verse: “In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward and cross-examines” (Prov. 18:17).